Transcript: Saying Goodbye to My Before Clothes
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Ashley introduces the episode and describes being surprised by the sadness she felt getting rid of her before clothes, even though she's glad they no longer fit.
Who knew I would have a hard time saying goodbye to clothes? What's up my movers and shakers? Famous Ashley Grant here. Welcome to My Movement Please, the podcast where I hope to inspire you to move your body more. Today I want to talk about saying goodbye to my before clothes. And the funny thing is, this is something that made me a little more emotional than I expected. And... You would think it would have been all happy thoughts and all happy feelings. But the truth was, for some of it, I actually got kind of sad and I was taken aback by it. And so I wanted to talk about it and share kind of how I felt and what I was thinking. So I'm the type of person who I hate shopping for clothes. I used to get a kick out of it, but... For some reason, as I got older, I just, I didn't enjoy shopping for clothes. And it was very rare that I would find shirts and pants or dresses or anything that I liked. And maybe that's why letting go
of some of it made me emotional. Because even though I was so thrilled, I didn't fit into them anymore. I guess it represented a chapter of actually finding something that I did feel was flattering at the time. And so I kind of got emotional letting it go. And that's not to say that I want to fit into them again, because obviously I don't. But it's interesting how you get attached to items that you wouldn't expect to get attached to. Like how a shirt can represent a moment in time, or... a reason you bought it. And so, yeah, I, though I'm grateful that certain things don't fit anymore, it's weird to kind of let go of those clothes because they represented a portion of me and, and I guess feeling the change in my identity as the no longer that level of fat person. It's a weird thing to get used to. It's a weird thing to not reach for the XXXL pants or the, you know, larger tops. Like, when I'm
Ashley reflects on clothes she never wore because she was embarrassed they fit, the 'fat tax' on larger sizes, and defaulting to baggy clothes while working from home.
shopping now, I'm looking for different sizes, and sometimes I have to remind myself, like, hey, you're not as big as you were. And getting emotional over those things sometimes surprises me, even now. And I don't know, maybe you can relate. Maybe you're like me and you don't want to let go of certain things because they were items that did make you feel good at the time. But you do have to recognize that they're too big now. And it's a great problem to have. I'm not going to deny that. But another thing that made me emotional on some of the items that I got rid of was items that I never wore or items that I didn't wear enough and recognizing that one of the reasons that I didn't wear those clothes is because even though I bought them because they fit I was embarrassed that I bought them because they fit and I actually didn't like them have you ever done that where you're like well I'll buy this top because it fits and then you
never want to put it on because Well, though it fits, it's not flattering. Anybody else out there ever done that? Because I certainly have. And I know that some of the things I purchased would... Like, I don't know why I made some of the purchases I made, other than, well, I thought I had to buy certain clothes because I was overweight. And I never was good at the... well, let's just take time to find out what at least flatters your body at the size it is at the time. I just kind of did the best I could with what I had.
Definitely took, hand -me -down, definitely looked for clearance items because, let's face it, bigger clothes sometimes have a higher price tag. I've heard gym gurus refer to this as the fat tax, where you're charged extra money because, yeah, it takes extra fabric to make larger clothes. So yeah, there were some outfits that I purchased whenever I was at my biggest that I never really wanted to wear, mainly because I was bothered that I had to wear the big clothes. So I caught myself constantly just wearing baggy pants and shirts because I guess I felt like, well, that's good enough. At least I'm clothed. And I guess I'm one of those lucky people that since I work from home, it didn't really matter what I was wearing most of the time. I'm catching myself now as a smaller person, still struggling with what to wear. And even when I'm shopping now for smaller clothes, I struggle with it. And
Ashley talks about still not knowing what flatters her body now, fearing that buying too many clothes at her current size might feel like giving herself permission to stop losing weight, and being shocked by how large her old clothes are.
I struggle with feeling like, okay, what's flattering on my body now? And I'm still trying to lose weight and still trying to get slimmer. And so I'm not wanting to spend too much money because I still intend on shrinking. And I guess there's part of me that fears if I do purchase clothes, too many clothes at the size I am now, that I'm almost giving myself permission to stop my progress. I don't know if that makes sense, but it's something I'm dealing with. And so I just wanted to kind of talk about it and tell whoever's listening to this that if you're in the same boat as I am, you're not alone. Maybe there are clothes that you purchased that you were thrilled about and now they don't fit and you're devastated to see them leave your closet. Or maybe there's clothes that you bought that you only bought because they fit and you never wanted to wear them and you're mourning the loss of the money
that you spent. Or maybe you're thrilled because, I mean, for the most part, most of the clothes I'm getting rid of, I'm thrilled I'm getting rid of because I can't. believe that I let myself get as large as I did and I guess that was one of the biggest shockers was as I was getting rid of some of my clothes seeing just how big I let myself get. Even though I was seeing myself in the mirror every day it wasn't quite dawning on me just how big I was getting and even though I see myself in the mirror every day now it's hard to remember that I am smaller so I still sometimes get shocked whenever I'm trying on clothes And I have to reach for a smaller size.
So that's just kind of what I wanted to talk about today. And I do look forward to continuing to look for smaller clothes. And hopefully I can get over the loss of the nice clothes that I had that were for a bigger person. Onwards and upwards, my friends. Have you worked out today?