Episode 95Jul 8, 2026· 8:07

Saying Goodbye to My Before Clothes

▸ Show notes from the creator

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About this episode

Episode covers the emotional experience of donating "before clothes" after significant weight loss — unexpected grief over losing items that felt flattering, embarrassment over clothes bought only because they fit but never worn, the "fat tax" on larger clothing sizes, body image disconnect during and after weight loss, difficulty shopping at a new size, fear that buying clothes at the current size signals…

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Who this episode is for

This episode may resonate with you if:

You've lost weight and expected to feel purely happy about it, but clearing out your old clothes made you unexpectedly sad — and you don't quite know what to do with that feeling.

You still reach for the bigger size out of habit, or catch yourself forgetting that your body has changed — the mirror every day hasn't quite updated your self-image.

You've been holding off on buying new clothes because spending money on your current size feels like giving up on where you're still trying to get to.

You've bought clothes that technically fit but never wore them because you were embarrassed they had to be that size — and now you're grieving the money spent more than the clothes themselves.

You're somewhere in the middle of a weight loss journey and feel stuck between two versions of yourself — the old size doesn't fit, but the new one doesn't feel fully real yet either.

Questions this episode wrestles with

Why do I feel sad getting rid of clothes that are too big now?

answered

Ashley shares that the sadness surprised her too — the clothes represented a chapter of actually finding something flattering at a time when that was rare, so letting them go felt like losing a piece of that moment, not just fabric.

"anymore. I guess it represented a chapter of"

Is it weird to grieve clothes you're glad you don't fit into anymore?

answered

Ashley says it's a weird thing but a real one — the clothes represented a portion of her identity, and feeling the change in that identity takes getting used to, even when you're grateful for the change.

"fit anymore, it's weird to kind of let go of those clothes because they represented a portion of me and, and I guess feeling the change in my identity as the no longer that level of fat person. It's a weird thing to get used to. It's"

Why do I still feel disconnected from my body even after losing weight?

open question

Ashley sits with this without resolving it — she describes still reaching for the wrong sizes, still not knowing what flatters her now, and still getting shocked when she has to pick a smaller size, noting that seeing yourself in the mirror every day doesn't automatically update your self-perception.

"I see myself in the mirror every day now it's hard to remember that I am smaller so I still sometimes get shocked whenever I'm trying on clothes And I have to reach for a smaller size."

Why does buying clothes at my current size feel like giving up?

answered

Ashley names the fear directly: she worries that investing in clothes at her current size is almost giving herself permission to stop her progress, even though she knows she's still trying to lose more.

"part of me that fears if I do purchase clothes, too many clothes at the size I am now, that I'm almost giving myself permission to stop my progress."

Setting expectations: This episode is not about tips for decluttering your wardrobe or celebrating a weight loss transformation. It's Ashley talking through the unexpectedly mixed emotions she felt getting rid of her bigger clothes — grief over items she actually liked, embarrassment over ones she bought just because they fit, and a weird fear that buying new clothes at her current size might feel like giving herself permission to stop losing weight.

Tensions inside this episode

Moments where Famous Ashley Grant names something — and contradicts it inside the same episode. Both quotes are verbatim from the transcript.

Thrilled the before clothes no longer fit

Ashley frames getting rid of her before clothes as something that should feel purely happy, yet finds herself genuinely sad and emotionally attached to the very items she's glad to be leaving behind.

Claim

"You would think it would have been all happy thoughts and all happy feelings. But the truth"

but

Contradiction

"was, for some of it, I actually got kind of sad and I was taken aback by it. And so I wanted"

Moving forward as a smaller person now

Ashley describes herself as someone who has changed size and is moving forward, yet fears that buying clothes at her current size might feel like giving herself permission to stop losing weight — meaning she still can't fully inhabit the body she's already in.

Claim

"wearing most of the time. I'm catching myself now as a smaller person, still struggling with what to wear. And even when I'm shopping now"

but

Contradiction

"part of me that fears if I do purchase clothes, too many clothes at the size I am now, that I'm almost giving myself permission to stop my progress."

Tone & style

Ashley starts expecting the closet cleanout to feel purely celebratory, but is caught off guard by real sadness — the clothes represented a chapter of finding things that actually felt flattering. The tension doesn't resolve: she ends still unsure how to shop for her smaller body, and still afraid that buying too many clothes at her current size might feel like giving herself permission to stop losing weight.

Personal lived experience and self-reflection shared in the moment. Not advice, instruction, or a weight loss framework.

toneCandid & quietly emotional

focusAshley talks through the unexpected sadness — and occasional shock — of getting rid of clothes from when she was at her biggest, and why it wasn't the purely happy experience she expected.

stylesolo_monologue

energylow

complexitybeginner

pressure Levellow

emotional Textureunexpectedly sad, honest, self-questioning

Notable quotes

"actually finding something that I did feel was"

— Famous Ashley Grant

"they fit I was embarrassed that I bought them because they fit and I actually didn't like them have you ever done that where you're like well I'll buy this top because it fits and then you never want to put it on because Well, though it fits, it's not flattering. Anybody else out"

— Famous Ashley Grant

"part of me that fears if I do purchase clothes, too many clothes at the size I am now, that I'm almost giving myself permission to stop my progress."

— Famous Ashley Grant

"of the biggest shockers was as I was getting rid of some of my clothes seeing just how big I let myself get. Even though I was seeing myself in the mirror every day it wasn't quite dawning on me just how big I was getting and even though"

— Famous Ashley Grant

Episode transcript

Organized into 3 chapters — open any part to read the full text.

0:001. Unexpected Emotions When Letting GoAshley introduces the episode and describes being surprised by the sadness she felt getting rid of her before clothes, even though she's glad they no longer fit.1:462. Clothes Bought Because They Fit, Not Because She Liked ThemAshley reflects on clothes she never wore because she was embarrassed they fit, the 'fat tax' on larger sizes, and defaulting to baggy clothes while working from home.5:033. Still Struggling to Shop as a Smaller PersonAshley talks about still not knowing what flatters her body now, fearing that buying too many clothes at her current size might feel like giving herself permission to stop losing weight, and being shocked by how large her old clothes are.

Open full transcript

Key themes

Unexpected sadness at letting go

Ashley describes being caught off guard by feeling sad — not just happy — when getting rid of clothes she's glad no longer fit, because they represented moments of actually finding something flattering.

Clothes as identity markers

Ashley reflects on how a shirt can represent a moment in time and how letting go of her before clothes means confronting a shift in who she is — 'no longer that level of fat person.'

Buying clothes because they fit, not because she liked them

Ashley describes purchasing tops and outfits she never wanted to wear because they fit her larger body, then feeling embarrassed even owning them.

The fat tax

Ashley mentions what she's heard gym gurus call the 'fat tax' — being charged more for larger clothes because of the extra fabric — and how it pushed her toward clearance items and hand-me-downs.

Defaulting to baggy clothes and not caring

Ashley describes how at her biggest she just wore baggy pants and shirts, telling herself 'at least I'm clothed,' partly because working from home meant it didn't seem to matter.

Fear that buying clothes now means stopping progress

Ashley shares a specific worry she's sitting with: that spending money on clothes at her current size might feel like giving herself permission to stop losing weight.

Body image disconnect — mirror vs. reality

Ashley describes how she didn't fully register how large she'd gotten while seeing herself daily in the mirror, and now still gets shocked reaching for a smaller size even though she sees herself every day as a smaller person.

Mourning money spent on unworn clothes

Ashley acknowledges the specific grief of getting rid of clothes she bought but never wore, and names it directly as something listeners might relate to.

Shock at how large she let herself get

Ashley says one of the biggest surprises of clearing out her closet was physically seeing — through the size of the clothes — just how big she had become.