From “Why Don’t I Have That?” to “I Can’t Wait for That”

CT KauppHey. What's up? Welcome back to Securely You. Thank you for being here. Today, I wanna talk about lack versus abundance.

CT KauppI I was recently at a dinner. This came up and we were talking relationships. I'm talking relationships here. As soon as we started discussing it, I was like, this is, this would make a perfect podcast episode. So here we are.

CT KauppThere's a huge difference between coming from a place of wanting something and wanting it from a place that feels empty, like coming from it from a place of, I want this because I truly desire, kind of like a pure desire versus from a place of lack, such as I don't have that, why don't I have that, what's wrong with me, all of that self doubt and criticism. So I would say that the lack point of view kind of stems from the I'm not good enough framework, just a mental framework, and lack is going to repel people, potential partners, whereas abundance is going to draw them in. And it really is like an energetic frequency and I'm not here to get super boo boo and I'm not telling you to manifest anything, but it truly, there is an energy to that. And you can, people can pick that up subconsciously. So what lack energy can sound like?

CT KauppWhy don't I have that? What's wrong with me? Everyone else is finding love but me. I'm behind. I'm broken.

CT KauppAll my I see all my friends are married or dating, have kids, all of that. I don't have any of that. You know, I'm so behind. And this creates a, it can create literally a tightness, like a physical tightness in your body, it sounds crazy to say, but like it's true, but also, desperation in dating, so you're just coming at it from, from a different mentality, it's going to be more difficult to find those connection points because like I was saying earlier, people can feel that disconnection, that kind of like energetic disconnection, even if they can't name it, they can just feel that subconsciously. And then also it really shows up from a self comparison standpoint.

CT KauppSo very similar to the social media comparisons that we see and, okay, everybody's posting a highlight reels and then we're just comparing ourselves to those highlight reels and all of that negative feelings and negative self talk. It can be very similar in this case where you're walking down the street and you see a couple holding hands or you're in a restaurant and you see this couple over there or any other kind of scenario, you want to make sure that when, when that comes up, be aware of that, that self talk, be aware of how you're internalizing that and how, how that feels and how it's internalizing your body and then the self talk around it. So for example, you may see that couple of holding hands and you're like, what the heck? It's like everybody here has a partner. I feel so alone.

CT KauppYeah, I'm broken. This this thing is wrong with me. That thing is wrong with me. Oh, because of this thing that happened in the past, I'm broken or nobody wants me. All of that, like, really shift out of like, it doesn't matter what happened in the past, good, better, and different.

CT KauppLike, you're here right here, right here, right now, and you can make that change and that choice to change, and move forward with with a better mindset and and more positivity around around what you're looking for. And I don't mean it from a everything is perfect, sunshine, rainbows, unicorns, like the, like toxic positivity that people talk about. I'm not saying be positive for the sake of posi being positive. I'm saying to truly understand how you feel, and then once you you understand that, then you have the clarity around it so you can change. Very similar to when I, things I've talked about with attachment styles, where you have to have that self awareness of what is going on, what those patterns are, so then you can have the clarity to change that.

CT KauppHow this looks like in practice to shift to more of an abundant mindset is go back to the example of a couple walking down the street instead of seeing that and going, why don't I have that? What the heck is wrong with me? Everybody else has a partner, but me, you come at it from a place of, man, that was great. I can't wait to experience that with somebody. I'm excited for my version of that.

CT KauppYou know, it's not like you see, you see somebody or a couple and it's not that you want, you don't want that. You just want your version of that. So making sure that you're coming from that place of I am whole and confident in myself, and I can't wait to experience that with another person. Like they, they are, my cup is full. Their cup is full and we're pulling, pouring full cups into that relationship together.

CT KauppWe're watering that relationship together. It's it's why coming from a place where you are whole is really important. It doesn't mean that you have to be quote, unquote perfect. Nobody is perfect. It doesn't mean that, like, it's all a spectrum.

CT KauppSo it's not that you have to be perfectly healthy, healed, and happy to meet your person. You just have to be on that journey, and they that other person can meet you on that journey. But if you're coming from a place where you're looking for somebody else to complete you, then it's, I don't wanna say never. This almost never going to work out because you're looking for them to fill a void with you in, in and of yourself, like inside of yourself, within yourself. And so if we can be coming at it with more self compassion for ourselves and where we are in that journey, working to be secure, doing that future kind of future focused energy, you know, where, where do I want to be six months from now?

CT KauppWhere do I want to be a year from now? What I want that relationship to look like, feel like the more detail that we can give that, so whether that is visualization, if that's something that you enjoy, if that comes naturally to you, or if it's journaling, or if it's just talking it out with a friend, whatever that might be, whatever that looks like for you can really help on this journey. So hopefully that was helpful. Hopefully you liked that, lack versus abundance. Thank you for being here.

CT KauppI will see you next time.