Transcript
One of my favorite sayings in the whole world
is you can't give from an empty cup. Though I
often fight it, I've been trying to remember
and commit to this sentiment over the last several
years because of just how true it is. After all,
if we're supposed to put on our own oxygen masks
first in a dangerous situation, it stands to
reason that we must fill up our own cups first
if we hope to have anything to give to others.
What's up you guys? Famous Ashley Grant here
and I'm so excited because I'm recording this
episode with my brand new Blue Yeti microphone.
I have to tell you guys, I'm totally feeling
like a professional podcaster. I know this is
only episode number five, but... I feel like
I've come a long way just since starting with
that first episode. And I'm really happy that
even though I've had a lot of bumps in the road
that I'm still trying. One of my clients actually
sent me this Blue Yeti microphone and it totally
boosted my confidence. So I hope that this is
the beginning of even more amazing content that
I really want to put out. Today I want to talk
about something that is really important to me
and it's kind of hard to talk about but I feel
like it's absolutely critical to talk about.
I want to talk about the mental health of bloggers
and the importance of staying mentally and emotionally
healthy. And I want to cover a few things related
to this topic because it's really near and dear
to my heart. Like this topic means a lot to me.
And interestingly enough, my own mental health
is why there was a gap in my podcasting releasing
schedule. Even though I'm really new to the game,
I had made this plan and I was so gung -ho about
it. I had planned to release a new episode every
single week for 10 full weeks, at least in this
first season of my show. Like that was what I
committed to. It's what I said, okay, I'm just
going to do 10. And if it sucks, I won't do it
again, but I'll do 10. And last week rolled around,
and I'll tell you what, guys, I just could not
bring myself to record. Like, I could not do
it. Due to some personal issues, I simply made
the tough decision to not even try and record.
And I now understand why so many podcasters tell
people... that if they're starting their own
podcast, they need to record several episodes
ahead of time. They need to do it in advance
because this way, if they wake up one day and
they don't feel like recording or they can't
record for some reason, they still have something,
something, anything to release on their scheduled
day. And even though I did a lot of research
and I had read that little nugget of wisdom that
I should record in advance from so many experts
that I admire. I was still naive in believing
that I could commit and just record once a week
anyway. How hard can it be to record and release
just a single episode each week, I thought? Well,
when you're dealing with anxiety and situations
beyond your control, oh yeah, and there's a pandemic
going on, it can be really hard to record and
release weekly. So needless to say, I will be
doing things very differently by the time season
two rolls around. But I digress. Let's get back
to the subject at hand, shall we? So the month
of May has been designated Mental Health Awareness
Month. According to Wikipedia, Mental Health
Awareness Month began in the United States in
1949 by the Mental Health America organization.
At the time, it was known as the National Association
for Mental Health. Its purpose was to raise awareness
and educate the people and the public about mental
illnesses. such as depression, schizophrenia,
bipolar disorder, the whole gamut of mental disorders.
And believe it or not, nearly 20 % of Americans
suffer with some sort of mental health issue.
And the realities of living with these conditions,
they can be really stressful for people, especially
since there's such a stigma associated with mental
health. And the goal of the Mental Health Awareness
Month was also to draw attention to suicide,
which can be precipitated by some mental illnesses.
And I don't know how many out there know this,
but my father, he committed suicide in December
2016, just two days after Christmas. I don't
tell you this because I want pity. I tell you
this so you can understand why taking care of
our mental health is so incredibly important
to me. My dad, he struggled with mental health
problems all of his life. And many of the issues
that plagued him, I honestly see in myself. Witnessing
his struggles led me to leaving home as early
as I could and committing to trying to be as
positive as possible for all of my life. Despite
everything that my dad displayed, witnessing
him, watching him, watching what he was going
through, I was hell -bent on doing everything
that I could to be more positive than my father.
And in the days after his passing, I doubled
down on that commitment to try and be more positive
and always look for the light in life. I often
will tell people, you know, don't focus on the
darkness, look for the light. And the truth is.
I know how easy it can be to sink into that darkness,
you can fall down this rabbit hole of negativity.
And before you know it, it can just turn into
this downward spiral. And it hurts y 'all like
whenever you go down that spiral, it is so easy
to kind of understand how hard it is to come
back out of it. And I gotta tell you. Being a
stay at home blogger, it can be damn lonely.
And in fact, that loneliness and the solitude
from the outside world sitting at my computer
away from everyone. It can really trigger many
of my mental health woes. I mean, maybe you can
relate. Several of my bloggy friends, they've
told me that they too, they struggle with mental
health issues. And interestingly enough, I've
heard it said that creative people, they fight
the most with inner demons. And you probably
know who these inner demons are. Depression,
anxiety, feelings of low self -worth, lack of
confidence. The list really goes on. But what
can we do about it? Because we can do something
about it. For some people, they need just a therapist.
Some will need medication. Some will need a mixture
of both or some natural health remedies. And
I mean, I'll give you my disclaimer right now.
I'm not a mental health professional. I don't
pretend to be. I would never claim to be. But
what I want to do today is just kind of tell
you the things that I'm doing to try to improve
my own mental state. and maybe they can help
you too. So first I'm going to start out with
telling you what I do when I'm feeling lonely
because like I said being a blogger staying at
home it's really lonely. So when I'm lonely I
go out and I find friends and I know that's not
going to be as easy as going to the store to
buy eggs but when you put in some effort you
really can find like -minded people to chat with.
The first place that I usually look when I'm
looking for new bloggy friends is Facebook. Now,
I know that might sound kind of silly, but there
are literally thousands of Facebook groups for
virtually any hobby or interest you can think
of. For example, I love to craft, so I joined
some crafting groups. I love blogging, so I'm
in several blogging groups. I love cooking. Okay,
you get the idea. Anything that I'm interested
in, anything that I'm interested in, I probably
am part of a group. And what I've found in these
groups is that there are several people in them
who just want someone to talk to that has a like
-minded mindset as them as well. So maybe if
you are interested in cars or, you know, cross
training or some other... interest, you could
find someone on Facebook who's part of a group
or has created a group that is about that. And
if you can't find it, create your own because
there are probably other people just like you
who want to connect and jam on all these things,
but they don't know where to go to do it. So
definitely check out Facebook groups if you're
feeling lonely and want to talk to someone about
something that you like. Another place that I
look for bloggy friends is networking events
and conferences. Now, I'll be the first to admit
this was so much easier before coronavirus. And
I really hope that we get back to having live
events soon because I have met some of my favorite
people in the whole world at live events. The
trick with these is to have some questions prepared
ahead of time so you can engage with people.
This is especially important if you're an introvert.
Now, I'm what's been referred to as an extroverted
introvert where I love to be around people. I
really shine when I'm around them, but I can
only take so much of it before I have to go.
back into my cave and recharge. But so if you
can have some questions prepared ahead of time
to just kind of know what you want to talk about,
or if you can even find out who's going to be
at the conference that you know you want to talk
to and see if you can find out something about
them. I would definitely do that just so that
you can actually have something to discuss without
just standing there like a deer in headlights,
not knowing what to say. And I've also learned
the hard way. Don't try to show off. Like asking
more about them than talking about yourself is
the better way to go about meeting new people.
So I would definitely make sure that if you do
start engaging with someone, let them have the
show until they, you know, ask you a question.
The final place that I like to look for new bloggy
friends, and by the way, I don't know if I've
mentioned this before, but what I consider a
bloggy friend is anybody who's friends with a
blogger, and I want as many bloggy friends as
I can get. So that's how I feel about the whole
bloggy friend thing. So finally, I look in my
own backyard to find bloggy friends. During the
stay -at -home orders of COVID -19, I found solace
in our neighborhood's dog park. I found a few
women with adorable little dogs, and I started
looking forward to bringing my mutts down to
play with them every day. And it gets me away
from home, it gets me into nature, and the conversations
that ensue are always enjoyable. And in a pinch,
if I'm feeling really lonely and I can't go out,
I can't get to the dog park, whatever, I'll call
family members or friends on the phone just to
chat about everything and nothing. Basically,
when you're feeling lonely, you just need to
do something to find some way to interact with
people. For example, last Friday, I was feeling
kind of lonely, but I was so excited because
a friend of mine had set up a virtual happy hour.
And I'd never done anything like that before.
So it was really cool to just kind of hang out
on the computer, talking to some friends. And
by the end of it, I honestly felt like I had
been out. for a night out with the girls. It
was fantastic. So if you can't get out to see
people, try a virtual happy hour because it's
super fun. Okay, next. So that's what I do when
I'm feeling lonely. But now I want to talk about
what I do when I'm feeling anxious because I
have really bad anxiety sometimes, you guys,
like to the point where if it's left unchecked,
I will have a full blown panic attack and be
pretty much useless for several hours, if not
the entire day. In fact, just a couple of days
ago, I had a panic attack that was so bad that
I had to go to bed and I like passed out for
six hours. And I was right in the middle of working
on a really important article. I was on deadline.
And the second I hit submit, the panic attack
ensued, and out I went. So with that in mind,
here's what I do when I'm feeling anxious. Lately,
I've been obsessed with two main things that
helped me get through it. The first is guided
meditations. I absolutely love them. Guided meditations
are just awesome. They let you just completely
get away from the world for a little bit. And
oftentimes, whenever I come out of them, I feel
like I've been napping because I just wake up
or not wake up. I come out of the meditation
more refreshed and relaxed. And my favorite app
for finding amazing guided meditations is Insight
Timer. But I've also found some pretty good ones
on YouTube. And the reason I use guided meditations
in lieu of just trying to meditate on my own
is that I really have trouble with my mind wandering.
And the guided meditations, they make it easier
for me to focus on just relaxing and letting
the world go. When I can't get access to a guided
meditation for whatever reason, though, I'll
sit silently and I just repeat the word release
over and over again to myself. Release, release,
release. I repeat it over and over. for as long
as it takes to calm down my anxiety. Now that
may sound silly, but it was a trick I picked
up. I think it was from Brynden Burchard a couple
of years ago. And in a pinch, when I don't have
access to anything else, it's really helpful
to me, especially if I'm just arriving at an
event and I'm feeling a little bit anxious about
it. I'll just sit in my car before I go in and
I'll just sit there saying release. release,
release. And I just let myself release any of
the tension that I'm feeling, any of the, any
of the anxiety that's bubbling up. My other favorite
thing to do that I do frequently is what I call
my word vomit sessions. I open up a Google document
in Chrome and I turn on the voice typing feature
and I literally just start talking and word vomiting
all over the page about everything that's going
on in my head. I don't set a timer. But some
of my bloggy friends have actually recommended
that I start doing that. But what I'll do is
I'll just sit there and I talk about everything
that's in my head at the moment, everything I'm
thinking. I don't censor myself. I don't try
to figure out what I'm thinking. I don't try
to have any rhyme or reason. I literally just
say everything that comes to mind. And I'll be
honest with you, within just like the first few
sentences or words, I already start feeling better
in most cases. Other times I'll have to sit there
for a while and just keep word vomiting until
everything is released from my brain. And yes,
I recognize how funny the phrase word vomit sounds.
Occasionally after I'm done, I'll reread what
I've written because in these word vomit sessions,
the truth is good ideas for my business or blog
posts that I have to write end up on the page.
However, more often than not, What I do instead
is I'll release it all, release everything in
my head, and I won't read it again. I do keep
the document on my computer and I have dated
in each entry because who knows, maybe one day
I'll go back and read it all and I'll either
see how far I've come or maybe it'll make good
material for my memoirs. But then again, now
that I'm thinking about it, it might just sound
like the ramblings of a person who doesn't have
all their crayons in the box. I'm not sure. So
other things that I do when I'm feeling anxious.
Meditation and word vomiting really are my favorite
things to do. But other than that, the things
I do include but aren't limited to going on long
walks, I call it pounding pavement. I know that
might sound silly to you, but when I am incredibly
anxious and I can't stop fidgeting, sometimes
I just put my sneakers on and I walk until it
hurts. I sometimes won't even bring my dogs.
I just walk outside and I try to focus on only
the scenery around me and I let go of everything
else. I let the world fall away and I just focus
on what I'm looking at. I make a real point to
look at every single thing that I'm seeing on
the walk and think about what that is so that
whatever is making me anxious is not. my focus
another thing I'll sometimes do is I'll just
take a long shower and I'm talking the kind where
you literally just stand in the water and you
don't even actually soap up have you ever done
that where you just stand in the water and you
don't put any shampoo in your hair you don't
put any soap on your rag you just you just stand
there and you let the hot water just flow something
about that really soothes me and I would take
more baths but to be honest with you our bathtub
is small and because of that it doesn't give
me the feeling I want but I'll just stand there
in the shower and let all the feelings just go
down the drain. All right. The other thing, another
thing I do is I love to cook, so I'll cook, but
I hate doing dishes. So I will wait until the
kitchen is completely spotless or I'll have my
husband help me to clean up because when I'm
feeling anxious, I have been known to make the
most incredibly elaborate meals just to have
something to keep my mind completely busy and
off of whatever's making me anxious. Another
thing I'll do is crafts. I love working with
my hands and creating something from nothing.
Lately, I've been really obsessed with Dollar
Tree craft groups that I found on Facebook. The
members, they come up with some of the most creative
crafts I've ever seen in my life, and they mainly
use products from the dollar store to make them.
I'll link to these groups that I'm talking about
in the show notes. Speaking of, you can visit
bloggyfriends .com backslash episode five to
get access to all of these tips and the things
that I'm discussing in this episode. Another
thing I'll do when I'm feeling anxious is I'll
take a nap. And I know this isn't possible for
everyone, especially if you have to work a traditional
9 -to -5. You can't exactly say, hey boss, I'm
going to take a break because I'm going to take
a nap. But when I'm so anxious that nothing else
helps, I have to go take a nap. And I recently
found a great trick for falling asleep quickly,
and I'll link to that in the show notes as well.
I strongly recommend checking it out if you have
trouble sleeping without over -the -counter substances
like I do. All right, so that covers everything
I do when I'm feeling anxious. Now I want to
talk about what I do when I'm feeling sad. One
of the first things I do when I'm feeling sad
is I pray. Whatever you believe in doesn't matter.
But for me, praying helps me a lot. And I often
will begin by saying something simple like spirits
show me another way or spirits help me transform
this sadness into love. Because the truth is
oftentimes When I'm feeling sad, there is actually
a feeling of just being unloved under the surface.
And when this happens, I'll just pray to feel
the love that I know deep down is already in
my life. I'll remind myself that my husband loves
me, my family and friends love me, my dogs and
so on and so on. Other times I just have to love
myself and tell myself that it's safe for me
to feel loved. It's safe for me to be happy.
One thing that helps me when the sadness is just
completely unwavering is to search for comedy
videos or memes and photos and even clips on
TikTok. I keep a file on my computer called my
smile file, and it's filled with silly images
that just make me laugh. And when I'm in a rut,
I've been known to just open it up and go through
the images and laugh until I cry. Speaking of
crying. Sometimes when I'm feeling sad, I just
give myself permission to actually be sad and
cry it all out. I'll go into my bedroom with
a box of tissues and simply cry until I have
no more tears left to give. It's often really
cathartic. And the thing is, while I'm doing
it, I do my best to not let myself wander to
more things to be sad about. Because like I told
you earlier, I know how hard it is to go into
a downward spiral. And it's so much harder to
come back once you go down that rabbit hole.
Many of the things I do when I'm anxious, I also
do when I'm sad. And another thing that helps
me with both of these emotions is called the
emotional freedom technique or EFT. It's also
commonly referred to as tapping. Now, I kind
of suck whenever it comes to explaining how EFT
works. So I'll just link to some stuff in the
show notes. But the Reader's Digest version of
tapping is that when you tap on certain pressure
points, you can relieve stress, anxiety, sadness,
etc. I first learned about EFT or tapping from
Denise Duffield Thomas, and she is incredible
about transforming one's thoughts about money.
I'm sure she'll come up on this show again because
her trainings around money have really helped
me as a blogger to not be so afraid of making
a living doing what I love. One of the best resources
I found for tapping is the videos by Brad Yates
on YouTube. Brad has some of the most incredible
videos on tapping. His videos cover everything
from anxiety to debt to unemployment to mending
a broken heart, and I highly recommend checking
out his YouTube channel. Before I go any further,
you might be wondering, what in the world does
mental health have to do with blogging? Now,
if you're like me, when you aren't in a good
headspace, you simply can't be creative. Work
becomes difficult. Everything just feels like
you're trying to run through mud. Like any job,
it's really hard to be productive when your mental
health is suffering. And though buzzwords like
self -care only became the popular thing to discuss
in what feels like just the last five years or
so, it's really important that we do take care
of ourselves. One of my favorite sayings in the
whole world is you can't give from an empty cup.
Though I often fight it, I've been trying to
remember and commit to this sentiment over the
last several years because of just how true it
is. After all, if we're supposed to put on our
own oxygen masks first in a dangerous situation,
it stands to reason that we must fill up our
own cups first if we hope to have anything to
give to others. Now, I'll be the first to tell
you it's taken me a long time to realize that
minding my mental health is not selfish. It's
about making sure there's enough of me to give
to myself and to others. It's about making sure
that I'll be here when people need me. To wrap
up this episode, I want to share just a few more
things that I seriously recommend to help you
with your own mental health journey. Some of
these things I can honestly tell you I still
struggle with, but hey, I'm a work in progress.
The first is to get enough sleep. As adults,
we should be aiming for between seven and nine
hours of sleep a night. And I will tell you that
this has been a serious struggle for me, especially
in recent months. I've actually been sleeping
in what I consider a broken pattern where I'll
sleep for a few hours, then I'll work, and then
I pass out again. I'm working on this one, y
'all, but it's hard. Second, be mindful of what
you put in your body. And I am horrible at this
one. But what we eat has been proven to have
a direct effect on our minds and our hearts.
We need to be eating healthy, well -balanced
diets to perform at our best and to feel our
best. Third, and this is a huge one, especially
for me, is to seek counseling. I hate the fact
that for so many people, therapy is still such
a taboo subject. I'm proud to share that I have
consulted with and sought the help from multiple
counselors and therapists. We don't make a big
deal out of going and getting a physical with
our primary care physicians. Why do we make such
a big deal out of seeing a therapist or a counselor?
We shouldn't. I can honestly tell you without
a doubt I would be in a much darker place today
had it not been for some of the amazing mental
health professionals that I've spoken with over
the years. And there are resources if you can't
afford one. When my dad passed away of suicide,
I couldn't work for several months. And this
meant that income did not exist during that time.
Here where I live, a nonprofit provided me with
free counseling to get me back on my feet. They
even helped me handle the financial blows that
I was dealt with as a result of being out of
work. If you take nothing else from this episode,
please take this. I want you to take care of
your mental health. Seek help and guidance when
you need it. And don't be ashamed if you need
more help than others. There's nothing wrong
with that and it doesn't make you broken. You
are not alone. I'd rather everyone go to a therapist
and get help with their mental health problems
than open up Facebook to find out another family
member, another friend. or just an acquaintance
has taken their own life because they can't cope.
It may sound cliche, but the world really does
need you. You are loved. I love you. And I want
to see you succeed and thrive. I know this episode
was kind of heavy, especially compared with the
other episodes that I've released so far, but
I really hope it was helpful. It was meant to
be inspiring and to break away from the stigma
that so many people feel about discussing mental
health. I will be the first to tell you that
I know I personally struggle with mental health
issues and I will never shy away from seeking
help for those issues. I don't want you to shy
away from seeking help either. We all deserve
to be here. We're all here for a reason. We all
have a mission and a purpose, but to fill, to
fulfill that mission, to fulfill the reason we're
here, we have to take care of ourselves first.
All right. That's all I have for now, my bloggy
friends. Until next time, may your page views
be high and your bounce rate be low. And don't
forget to grab the show notes at bloggyfriends
.com backslash episode five. Thank you so much
for listening and I'll catch you guys next time.