Episode 0Jun 17, 2026· 11:32

Listener Question (Bobby in NYC): What Actually Keeps the Spark Alive?

Q: Is it normal for the excitement to fade in a long-term relationship, or does that mean you chose the wrong person?

CT doesn't give a clean yes or no — instead she pivots to what separates couples who stay connected from those who drift, naming curiosity, never stopping chasing each other, and deeper resonance as the real variables rather than whether fading is normal or not.

▸ Show notes from the creator

In this listener question episode, I share my thoughts on what actually keeps the spark alive in a long-term committed relationship. Things like attraction, emotional connection, playfulness, and why I think many people misunderstand what the spark really is. We often talk about it as something that magically appears at the beginning of a relationship and slowly fades with time, but I'm not convinced that's true. What if the spark is something two people create together? Because the goal shouldn't be to hold onto some fairytale version of what you had in the beginning. It should be about continuing to create something meaningful together, day after day, year after year. Send us Fan Mail Email CT: [email protected] Connect on social: @TheMindfulSPX Check out our website: TheMindfulSPX.com

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About this episode

This episode addresses whether romantic passion inevitably fades in long-term relationships, covering curiosity as a sustained practice, mutual pursuit through small and large gestures, weekly relationship check-ins, resentment prevention through communication rituals like Sunday reflections and post-it notes, the limits of physical attraction and shared hobbies as a relationship foundation, emotional safety,…

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Who this episode is for

This episode may resonate with you if:

You're in a long-term relationship that still looks fine from the outside, but you've quietly started wondering if the spark is just... gone, or if it was ever really there at a deeper level.

You've been staying in a relationship because you love who this person could become, not who they actually are right now — and some part of you knows that's what's happening.

You feel like something's off with your partner but you can't name it — conversations don't really flow, the humor doesn't land, and you're starting to wonder if that actually matters.

You and your partner have stopped checking in with each other — not dramatically, just gradually — and small annoyances are quietly piling up into something that feels heavier than it should.

You're single and realizing you keep getting pulled toward people based on one thing — looks, chemistry, a shared interest — and it keeps not working out past a certain point.

You've been in a situationship or undefined relationship where the other person keeps things vague, and you're trying to figure out whether that's just how they are or whether it's a sign you're not actually compatible.

What you’ll learn

Build a weekly check-in ritual before resentment has time to calcify

Know what kind of deeper connection actually energizes you before you evaluate a partner

Don't stay in a relationship based on who someone might become

Treat emotional and intellectual connection as the foundation that makes physical connection better, not the other way around

Questions this episode wrestles with

Is it normal for the excitement to fade in a long-term relationship, or does that mean you chose the wrong person?

open question

CT doesn't give a clean yes or no — instead he pivots to what separates couples who stay connected from those who drift, naming curiosity, never stopping chasing each other, and deeper resonance as the real variables rather than whether fading is normal or not.

"what separates couples who stay happy from those"

Can a relationship survive if the main thing you have in common is activities you do together?

answered

CT's view is that shared hobbies or physical attraction alone aren't sustainable — you need to connect on a much deeper level than surface-level interests, or it's just not going to last.

"of just the surface"

Am I staying because I love who they are, or because I love who I think they could be?

answered

CT says we can't build a relationship on future possibility or potential — we need to be aware of the person actually in front of us and whether they can meet our needs right now, not who we hope they'll become.

"this or that"

How do you know when small annoyances in a relationship have become a real problem?

open question

CT describes the mechanism — skipping regular check-ins lets dumb little things compound into bigger problems because they weren't addressed quickly enough — but he doesn't name a threshold for when you've crossed that line.

"the bigger"

Setting expectations: This episode is not a research-backed breakdown of why passion fades or a couples therapy explainer. It's CT thinking out loud — stream of consciousness, by her own description — about what she believes actually keeps the spark alive, including her own personal need for emotional safety and the kind of effortless intellectual banter she compares to 'going down the lazy river together.'

Tone & style

CT's personal opinions and lived experience. Not relationship research or clinical advice.

toneCandid & conversational

focusCT's stream-of-consciousness take on what actually keeps the spark alive — curiosity, mutual pursuit, deeper-than-surface connection, and accepting who someone is right now rather than who they might become.

stylesolo_monologue

energymedium_low

complexitybeginner

pressure Levellow

emotional Texturewarm, self-disclosing, conversational

Notable quotes

"bigger problems because they weren't addressed quickly enough."

— CT Kaupp

"to or that you"

— CT Kaupp

"can"

— CT Kaupp

"convincing that other person to accept the structure"

— CT Kaupp

"We're just"

— CT Kaupp

Episode transcript

7 chapters — tap to expand the full text

CT shares his stream-of-consciousness notes on the first two things that keep the spark alive: staying endlessly curious about your partner, and never stopping the pursuit of each other through small and big gestures.